I was 15. It was such a confusing time in my life at that moment and I wanted to fit in desperately. So when I was invited to a party at a friends place I said yes! Her parents were out of town so I did what any teenager would do. I lied to my mother about where I was going so I could have the whole night to party with my friends. Having every intention of spending the night at my friend's place, I knew all the "cool" kids were coming. I went to the party in my best clothes. We didn't have money when I was a kid so most of my clothes were either used or my mom had made them.
I drank... I drank a lot. I went to the room where I was sleeping to crash for the night.
He was the cutest coolest kid in high school. So when he came to my room to "talk" Of course I summoned all the strength I could in my drunken state to talk to him. He talked, I mumbled and then I passed out. I awoke to him fondling me, his hands all over me. I could not speak, I was mumbling. But I will never forget the feeling of absolutely terror come over me. I struggled with finding my voice, in part due to alcohol in part due to crippling fear. I remember trying to push him off of me. Then something happened, someone came into the room, and in an instant he stopped. Even though he never penetrated me I was violated. Every part of me knew that. And I couldn't escape the shame that I had done something to garnish this behaviour. I told my mother the very next. She cried she was furious and asked me to report it to the police. I couldn't I knew that nobody would believe me and I didn't want to be ostracized and further at school if people were to find out and I knew they would. I confided in a friend instead. I told her what happened in efforts to relieve myself of the shame and guilt. Unfortunately this friend turned into a horrible friend and for reasons I still can't figure out she went and told this boys older sister! Who was even cooler and more popular than her brother? Later that day, she confronted me in the girl’s bathroom and locked me in a stall with three other girls. She went off on me calling me a liar and telling me I was an awful person and how could I do that to her brother, I should be ashamed. And I was ashamed; I thought it was my fault. After that school got really hard for me. It was like a black cloud followed me everywhere I went. Kids would mock me and laugh at me. I think I dint have enough emotional strength to handle it. Some part of me shut down and I learned to bury that event that night in my mind somewhere locked away so it couldn't hurt me. I think the thing that terrifies me the most at this moment when I think about it now is that.... that boy, that cool kid, that guy.... he grew up and he became a TEACHER.